Be Happy! or Else!

  I received a book this week entitled, " Oh,Thank Goodness, It's Not Just Me!" by Lisa Hammond and BJ Gallagher.  I haven't taken time to read it yet, but the title is very much what this blog is about.  I wanted other people to know that someone else in the world is struggling with the same questions and observations.  This week, happiness has been on my mind.  I don't know whether it's genetic, learned, birth order or just a mom thing but I feel like it is my duty to keep everybody happy.  Now this is not the same as pleasing everybody.  I know that it's impossible to do that.  I also know that happiness is a choice.  But if somebody in my brood is not happy, it flips my switch.  I put on my unofficial "YOU WILL BE HAPPY" super hero outfit and start problem solving.  Yep, if it means moving a mountain, I'll try and try and try.  And, if I happen by some accident to make someone unhappy, well, you might as well throw me out of the boat because I will drown anyway if I don't fix it.
Let it go, you say?  Tell that to Wonder Woman or one of Charlie's Angels or Mulan, and they'll tell you to let yourself out the back door.  Several years ago, my family and I took a trip to a scenic location with the intentions of having a picnic overlooking the mountainside.  We stopped and bought lunch, drove to the picnic area, got out of the car, and the mutiny began.  It was freezing!  My family still teases me because I told them we were going to have that picnic and we were going to enjoy it or else!  You see, I had planned this trip as a happy time and mutiny about weather was not an option.  Never mind that it was so cold that the ice tea was smoking because it was warmer than the air!  So, in my attempt to manipulate happiness, I created the opposite condition.  Yes, I should have let it go.  I am wiser now, thanks to those 55 years that I am embracing with somewhat open arms.  I don't try to manipulate happiness quite as much anymore but I still struggle when a loved one is unhappy, I just have to do something!!! How about you?  Do you have something that flips your switch like this?  

The Back Porch View

    Many women are stay at home moms when their children are small, but I became a stay at home mom after my kids were grown.  So my stay at home mom anxieties are not about childcare or how to get time alone or how to juggle all the responsibilities that young parents have.  Anxiety, yep, I have an anxiety gene. If it can be worried about, I probably will. Even though I've chilled a lot in my retirement, and the flow of my life is like a deep river now, rather than shallow rapids, I still find it necessary to take some back porch time.  If I'm in the house, I feel it necessary to clean, or cook, or wash, or organize, or study, or plan, or research, you know the list. Even when I sit down on the loveseat to view a tv show, there's always something domestic calling out to me. It's never all finished, you know. So to escape and give my mind a break, I go out to my back porch.  I sit and look out at the apple tree and the wooded lot and the clear field.  I see the birds, and the squirrels, and if I'm lucky, the deer.  I sit there and just gaze at the clouds and blue sky or lately, the clouds and the grey sky, and I feel the anxiety slip away.  You see, when I look out at the view, there's not one thing I need to do but enjoy it.  Just look, and listen.  Sometimes, I get so relaxed that I fall asleep, and let me tell you, I do not nap, unless I'm on the back porch. I bet you have a back porch place, and if you don't, you probably need one. And that's my question for you tonight.  You got a back porch?  Do you use it? 

Baggage and Blessings

    As I continue to clean out my house and bring new items (baggage/clutter) in, I started thinking about how this is similar to the emotional baggage that we all carry with us.  Some of it we chose for ourselves, some of it given to us without asking, some of it inherited, some of it easy to toss, some of it hard to let go, some of it easy to carry, some of it so heavy that we have to have assistance from our friends and neighbors and even a higher power to carry it, some of it comes in the form of blessings, some of it comes in the form of junk we think we want but later change our minds and don't want it anymore. 
    And then I started thinking about how our baggage can control us at times and other times we just put that baggage in its place and leave it there out of sight out of mind.  It doesn't take long into a conversation with someone to pick up on their baggage.  I wouldn't trade my baggage for that of someone else. People handle things so much heavier than what I have to bear.  My life has been cluttered with emotional baggage and a lot of it I brought on myself, a lot of it I did not.  So is our baggage who we are?  Can we declutter and let go? Can we stop bringing it in? What would we lose if we had a no baggage policy?
    Some baggage we have to keep.  I have a melanoma scar on my left leg, above the knee.  It's not going anywhere.  I wish I didn't have it but I embrace the life lessons I learned from having a cancer scare at age 35.  There is a tombstone in the cemetery of my church, it bears the name of my firstborn.  I wish it wasn't there but I know it has made me a better parent.  There are other less visible scars but I don't think they've made me a bad person, but a better person.  So from this perspective, the baggage is necessary and it's how I deal with it that matters.
    Now let me move on the the happy baggage of my family, my friends, my home, my job.  I usually don't mind this baggage.  It's the baggage that brings me joy, it's the baggage I like to share.  It's the baggage that brings blessings and pain.  It's the baggage that makes life what it is.  You got baggage? Have you taken time to go through it lately?  Have you tossed it, packed it up, or put it in a safe place? Did it make you who you are? 

Shabby Chic

    All this purging and repurposing and thrift shopping helps keep my mind busy. I love the treasure hunt of thrifting, and often while thrifting, I find something Shabby Chic.  I love the design term "Shabby Chic"! Now this is not my decorating style, I'm too eclectic to actually have a style, Shabby Chic is a great description of me, the person.  Here are some descriptors of this style according to Wikipedia, "chosen for their appearance of age and signs of wear and tear", "at the same time soft, opulent, yet cottage-style","often with a feminine feel".  Yep, that's me alright!  So now as I approach 55 years, I have become "vintage".  So how about you, have you got a personal style?  Oh mind you, I'm not complaining, there are many things about me that have become better with age and only occasionally do I wish I were 30 again!