Scarred or Carved?

     Recently a beautiful young friend of mine shared her thoughts on the scar she received on her face from "being in the wrong place at the wrong time". I noticed the scar when I first met her, but I don't see it anymore.  She is such a beautiful spirit that she glows and the scar  is diminished in her light. She credited those scars for changing her life, in a good way.  So my mind started wandering around and around thinking about scars, physical and mental. I have scars too.  We all do.  Some are healed. Some are not.  Physically, I credit the scar I have from melanoma for changing my perception about life.  I was so worried that I might not live to see my daughters grow up.  Well, I did.  That scar is a daily reminder of the fragility of life and a victory of life.  My leg is forever marred, but it's inconsequential in the big picture of things.  That scar is healed, physically and mentally.  But I have some others that are not.  And it may be that I haven't let those emotional scars heal because of fear of being hurt again, the wounds keep me cautious and wary. 
     In order for wounds to heal, a scar has to form.  If the wound is opened continuously, there is no healing.  This observation made me think about the emotional wounds that people have that don't heal because the circumstances keep causing the wound to reopen.  It gives an insight into why people behave the way they do.   I also thought about how our scars identify us.  Wasn't it Thomas in the Bible, who recognized Jesus because of his wounds/scars?  Do our scars identify us?  Do they tell our story? 
     So the Universe scars us if we live a full life.  But doesn't a sculptor scar/carve the marble to bring out the beauty of the sculpture?  In the end, the marble is transformed into something that creates a deep feeling in the mind of the one who appreciates it, something of timeless beauty. The scars are no longer visible in the beauty of the art.  I say, embrace the scars, choose to let them heal, choose to be better because of them.  Choose to be a masterpiece!

A Piece of Life

      Haven't blogged in while.  Life has been busy.  School has started, so my part time job is in full swing.  Parent has been ill.  Made a trip out of town. One daughter is back at college, one changed jobs. Sometimes even retirement has those times when it's easy to become overwhelmed because while you may not have a full time job, you still have responsibilities, obligations, and worries. Yep, I said it, worries.  Let's just say my Zen like nature has been a bit rattled in the last few weeks.  Nothing major, but enough to require a bit of life juggling (and attitude adjusting).
     Doctor tells me to lose 20 pounds.  She's worried about my cholesterol and glucose numbers.  Not totally a surprise to me.  Cholesterol has always been an issue.  I will probably end up taking medication.  However, the glucose was a bit of a surprise.  So, I've been cutting carbs and sugar.  Bread is gone.  Sweet tea is a memory.  And dessert?  No longer welcome on the plate.  I refuse to cut out fruit though.  That is until I absolutely have to do so.  I don't like many vegetables. We shall see what happens with this endeavor.
   So here I am at 55, with life changes still going on.  And the questions keep coming.  This election really amazes me with the opinions people have based on mind set and culture rather than fact.  How can we blame someone else for a problem he/she didn't create?  How do we say no to the needy?  How does a Christian justify judgement of others? How does someone who got a free ride tell another person he/she is not deserving?  Maybe the question is not what would Jesus do but what would Jesus say? Oops, I'd better duck, someone is going to throw the Bible at me.
   And here's another thing that gets my goat.  What good does it do a person to "look good for his/her age"?
I'd rather hear, "she acts good for her age".  Yep, that whole looking good issue bothers me.  People spend so much time on how they look on the outside and forget about how they are on the inside or whether or not they are able to do for themselves and others.  What good is a good looking corpse? I guess your good looks will get you into "good looking heaven". There, I said it. I blame TV for our fascination with good looks.  All we see are photogenic people, day in, day out.  It's like it's normal to be a 10+.  Nope, look around you. Oh ladies, you know what I mean.  How many lunchtimes do you sit around comparing notes on how to lose weight rather than how to become a better human being?
     So, contrary to popular opinion, early retirement is not a piece of cake,  it's a piece of life.And the longer you live and the more you know, the more you question what you used to know.  More to come, I have some thoughts on penny pinching and networking that are just screaming to come out!! What about you?  Are you "looking good" for your age?  Well, isn't that nice!
  

Beginnings

    I went back to work today, or I should say, I went back to fun today.  It is so exciting to share the atmosphere of expectation that comes with new beginnings.  I work with beginning teachers.  There is an energy that surrounds these young men and women that is contagious!  It is so important to weave new beginnings into our lives.  Oh believe you me!  I resist change, but I do so love the glow of new ideas and experiences.  And it is good and fulfilling to be allowed to help people navigate through changes in direction.  Retirement was a new direction for me.  I've learned so much in the last four years. I have a new perspective and a new calling that fits me as well as any other I've had before now.
   So, whatever new direction you are facing, I hope you have someone to help you navigate and someone to help you pause a moment and embrace the new because it won't be long before the soul starts looking in another direction and the Universe sends you on another adventure.  Up, up and away!

Winds of Change

     "Sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction."  Embracing change takes wisdom and faith.  I'm at the age when I can look back and see that some of the changes  I had to tolerate, rather than embrace, were actually steps in the right direction, whether I liked it or not.  Professional changes, personal changes, spiritual changes were all necessary, but not always applauded.  It is difficult for a peace loving person to embrace change because with change comes chaos.  It disrupts the flow.  The very nature of change can cause pain and anxiety.  Embracing change is like my first experience with air travel.  I'd always thought that when I got the opportunity to fly in an airplane (which didn't happen until I was 40ish ), I would enjoy it as much as I enjoyed roller coasters, and I loved roller coasters! Put me in the front seat and let me go!!! Now my experience with flying was not quite so thrilling or adventurous.  You see, after I got over the shock and disappointment that the interior of the plane was about on the same level as a charter bus and not as impressive as in the movies, I thought that the flight would be a breeze. (Pun intended.)  Imagine my greater disappointment when, not long after take off, I realized that I become air sick. UGH!  I never even considered the possibility!  However, I had to get to Las Vegas, air sick or not.  I managed the flight with out totally losing my sanity (or stomach contents) but I was one miserable, disappointed woman.  And my poor husband really didn't know how to help me!  And isn't that the way change can be, you think you can handle it, you want to handle it, and then UGH!  Of course, after the flight, I was fine and I enjoyed Las Vegas! (Funny how you can feel at home in some places but not in others.  I love Las Vegas and Nashville but I did not love New York! ).  I learned that if I'm going to fly, I better have a patch or Dramamine!  So, it is with change.  Sometimes it's necessary to have assistance to manage the change.  That assistance may be your faith, your education, your friends, your hobby, whatever helps you embrace the change in a positive way!  (No, I am not condoning drugs or alcohol, there are other options!)
    Change teaches us about ourselves.  It is necessary to get to a better place.  It requires adjustments in perception and procedure.  It is not always welcomed or wanted.  Some changes are traumatic and life altering.  I wouldn't dare try to put those in the same category of the changes that I speak about.  I'm speaking about the changes that nudge us in the right direction, the changes that teach us lessons, the changes that make us who we are meant to be.  Many of my friends and family are in the midst of changes.  I understand and respect their anxiety and resistance.  I hope that after the chaos, they will have a peaceful flight in their true direction. 
      So my friends, as I close, what about you?  Are you flying through change?  Are you headed in a different direction?

Be Happy! or Else!

  I received a book this week entitled, " Oh,Thank Goodness, It's Not Just Me!" by Lisa Hammond and BJ Gallagher.  I haven't taken time to read it yet, but the title is very much what this blog is about.  I wanted other people to know that someone else in the world is struggling with the same questions and observations.  This week, happiness has been on my mind.  I don't know whether it's genetic, learned, birth order or just a mom thing but I feel like it is my duty to keep everybody happy.  Now this is not the same as pleasing everybody.  I know that it's impossible to do that.  I also know that happiness is a choice.  But if somebody in my brood is not happy, it flips my switch.  I put on my unofficial "YOU WILL BE HAPPY" super hero outfit and start problem solving.  Yep, if it means moving a mountain, I'll try and try and try.  And, if I happen by some accident to make someone unhappy, well, you might as well throw me out of the boat because I will drown anyway if I don't fix it.
Let it go, you say?  Tell that to Wonder Woman or one of Charlie's Angels or Mulan, and they'll tell you to let yourself out the back door.  Several years ago, my family and I took a trip to a scenic location with the intentions of having a picnic overlooking the mountainside.  We stopped and bought lunch, drove to the picnic area, got out of the car, and the mutiny began.  It was freezing!  My family still teases me because I told them we were going to have that picnic and we were going to enjoy it or else!  You see, I had planned this trip as a happy time and mutiny about weather was not an option.  Never mind that it was so cold that the ice tea was smoking because it was warmer than the air!  So, in my attempt to manipulate happiness, I created the opposite condition.  Yes, I should have let it go.  I am wiser now, thanks to those 55 years that I am embracing with somewhat open arms.  I don't try to manipulate happiness quite as much anymore but I still struggle when a loved one is unhappy, I just have to do something!!! How about you?  Do you have something that flips your switch like this?  

The Back Porch View

    Many women are stay at home moms when their children are small, but I became a stay at home mom after my kids were grown.  So my stay at home mom anxieties are not about childcare or how to get time alone or how to juggle all the responsibilities that young parents have.  Anxiety, yep, I have an anxiety gene. If it can be worried about, I probably will. Even though I've chilled a lot in my retirement, and the flow of my life is like a deep river now, rather than shallow rapids, I still find it necessary to take some back porch time.  If I'm in the house, I feel it necessary to clean, or cook, or wash, or organize, or study, or plan, or research, you know the list. Even when I sit down on the loveseat to view a tv show, there's always something domestic calling out to me. It's never all finished, you know. So to escape and give my mind a break, I go out to my back porch.  I sit and look out at the apple tree and the wooded lot and the clear field.  I see the birds, and the squirrels, and if I'm lucky, the deer.  I sit there and just gaze at the clouds and blue sky or lately, the clouds and the grey sky, and I feel the anxiety slip away.  You see, when I look out at the view, there's not one thing I need to do but enjoy it.  Just look, and listen.  Sometimes, I get so relaxed that I fall asleep, and let me tell you, I do not nap, unless I'm on the back porch. I bet you have a back porch place, and if you don't, you probably need one. And that's my question for you tonight.  You got a back porch?  Do you use it? 

Baggage and Blessings

    As I continue to clean out my house and bring new items (baggage/clutter) in, I started thinking about how this is similar to the emotional baggage that we all carry with us.  Some of it we chose for ourselves, some of it given to us without asking, some of it inherited, some of it easy to toss, some of it hard to let go, some of it easy to carry, some of it so heavy that we have to have assistance from our friends and neighbors and even a higher power to carry it, some of it comes in the form of blessings, some of it comes in the form of junk we think we want but later change our minds and don't want it anymore. 
    And then I started thinking about how our baggage can control us at times and other times we just put that baggage in its place and leave it there out of sight out of mind.  It doesn't take long into a conversation with someone to pick up on their baggage.  I wouldn't trade my baggage for that of someone else. People handle things so much heavier than what I have to bear.  My life has been cluttered with emotional baggage and a lot of it I brought on myself, a lot of it I did not.  So is our baggage who we are?  Can we declutter and let go? Can we stop bringing it in? What would we lose if we had a no baggage policy?
    Some baggage we have to keep.  I have a melanoma scar on my left leg, above the knee.  It's not going anywhere.  I wish I didn't have it but I embrace the life lessons I learned from having a cancer scare at age 35.  There is a tombstone in the cemetery of my church, it bears the name of my firstborn.  I wish it wasn't there but I know it has made me a better parent.  There are other less visible scars but I don't think they've made me a bad person, but a better person.  So from this perspective, the baggage is necessary and it's how I deal with it that matters.
    Now let me move on the the happy baggage of my family, my friends, my home, my job.  I usually don't mind this baggage.  It's the baggage that brings me joy, it's the baggage I like to share.  It's the baggage that brings blessings and pain.  It's the baggage that makes life what it is.  You got baggage? Have you taken time to go through it lately?  Have you tossed it, packed it up, or put it in a safe place? Did it make you who you are? 

Shabby Chic

    All this purging and repurposing and thrift shopping helps keep my mind busy. I love the treasure hunt of thrifting, and often while thrifting, I find something Shabby Chic.  I love the design term "Shabby Chic"! Now this is not my decorating style, I'm too eclectic to actually have a style, Shabby Chic is a great description of me, the person.  Here are some descriptors of this style according to Wikipedia, "chosen for their appearance of age and signs of wear and tear", "at the same time soft, opulent, yet cottage-style","often with a feminine feel".  Yep, that's me alright!  So now as I approach 55 years, I have become "vintage".  So how about you, have you got a personal style?  Oh mind you, I'm not complaining, there are many things about me that have become better with age and only occasionally do I wish I were 30 again! 

30 Something

      Yes, we celebrated our thirtieth wedding anniversary.  I was thinking that maybe I would post some advice about marriage, being that I've had so much experience now, but really I think marriage is so unique to each couple, that what works for one relationship is not necessarily good advice for another.  I think marriage is a lot like the ocean which can be calm or stormy depending on outside influences.  Even after all this time, my husband and I can get along very well or not at all.  It used to frighten me when we did not get along, but now, I know that we will get through whatever waves of discontent our circumstances create.  But it doesn't happen instantly and may take a few days.  We have to take time to strengthen what holds us together so we don't fall prey to what attempts to drive us apart.  There is a law of physics that applies here but I don't know its name.  It has do to with how objects will naturally drift apart if not guided in the same direction.  When we got married, we had a lot of baggage that interfered with our relationship.  As time has gone on, that baggage has been replaced with good times, passion, and experience. Older and wiser is a good thing for us, we're more mellow and understanding.  So not much advice today, but a few observations.  Of course, you're always welcome to share your thoughts, or keep them to yourself.  It's all good.

Wrestling Demons #1

     There are some days when I am distracted by my attempt to wrestle demons.  Nothing serious like an addiction or one of life's other dramas, but wrestling with something that keeps me from having inner peace.  While researching a yoga site recently, I came across a list of "12 Symptoms of Inner Peace by Saskia Davis".  One of the symptoms is "a loss of interest in judging other people".  Yes, that judgement thing, keeps going round and round in my mind.  So it's become one of those demons that I'm wrestling.  How do we stop judging when analysis and evaluation are everywhere in our culture!  I used to buy a bar of soap because I liked the packaging and the scent.  Now, I have to look up a review before I make even a simple purchase!! Ok, so judging a bar of soap is a long way from judging another person.  Yet, aren't we constantly analyzing and evaluating people by their actions, or politics, or lifestyle or choices or from what someone else tells us about that person.  The list goes on and on.  How do you stop?  Are evaluation and judgement the same thing?  Can we really step away from the critical view of others?  Is the person lazy or unmotivated, driven or aggressive, evil or desperate?  Maybe it depends on the circumstances.  But how can you not judge someone who hurts others even when it's unintentional?  So maybe I don't judge the person but judge his behavior?  For our own protection and the protection of our loved ones, we must judge others at times.  Maybe a key to solving this mind loop is in the words " a loss of interest".  Yes, possibly that's it.  I can observe the behavior of someone else but if it is not necessary for me to judge then I can play the "not interested" card.  I have a feeling that this topic is not going to be an easy one to resolve.  Anyone got Dr. Phil or the Dalai Lama on speed dial?  So, what do you think?

Purging Purging Purging

    When I retired, I went through the house we had lived in for almost 15 years and reorganized.  It was time to move things out.  It was good therapy, letting go of the clutter and regaining control of the space.  At the same time, we started to let go of some of the life clutter, some of our volunteer and church activities.  You get to the point when you accept that the next "half" of your life is not going to be 50 quality years.  Therefore, it becomes time to focus on quality rather than quantity.  So we let some things go.  Oh yes, it was painful at times but so very necessary.  And then we went even further with the quality concept and moved into another house in another neighborhood.  So more purging had to take place.  And yes, once again, it was painful but necessary.  I've earned my merit badge of yard sale duty and earned a bit of peace of mind in the process. I've made room for new relationships and spent time nurturing some of the old ones. After purging, the chaos goes out and the calm comes in.  Now, after two years in this house, it's time to purge again.  I started today in the master bedroom closet.  There's a Goodwill pile, a consignment pile, and an Ebay pile.  There are still some sentimental things that I just can't let go of  yet.  Just like there are some non-material things that I'm holding on to also. But not as much as before.  So how about you? Have you done any purging lately?  Is it time to let go or hold on?   

25 Amazing Daughters and Recharging Batteries

     I am blessed in many ways.  One is my current "job" as a mentor/coach for beginning teachers in a school system.  Each week during the school year, I have the opportunity to visit with and observe beginning teachers who are in their first, second or third year of teaching. They become my "daughters".  The pay is acceptable, the hours are flexible, and usually, the drama is minimal.  Just the right second career for a former classroom teacher!  After 28 years in the classroom, it was difficult to "abandon ship" but mentoring helps me reconnect with a very familiar setting and lots of wonderful people who believe as I do, that there is no higher calling than that of a teacher.  These young women are amazing.  They face challenges and obstacles with persistence, resilience, and compassion.  Their energy and enthusiasm is contagious.  My role is to listen, to advise, and to encourage.  As I close out this school year, I am already excited about the next one.  What a great way to recycle and repurpose a retired teacher!  So how about you, what or who recharges your batteries? Do you have a second career that links to your first one?  This is one way I've enriched my life after 55!

Regrets Only or Not

     I don't know why I've had this on my mind, maybe it's because of the approaching birthday  #55, anniversary #30 or just the full moon, but I've been thinking about the question, "Do you have any regrets?".  A response you often hear is, "No, if I had to do it all again, I would do the same, in order to be where I am now, counting my many blessings."  I suppose to a point, I would agree, because I'm usually the one spouting off about how mistakes can lead you in the right direction, and if you learn a lesson, one should not regret a mistake. But honestly, I do have some regrets, regrets of commission, and regrets of omission.  There are things I wish I hadn't done, and things I wish I had done.  I regret that I dated ......, I regret that my brother had to sell his Camaro, I regret that I didn't get my driver's license until I was 21, I regret that I didn't know my Aunt Vivian very well because I think I must be somewhat like her.  Which brings us to the topics of remorse, and guilt and shame.  I'm just not going there today.  And while thinking about my regrets, I also thought about how some of my regrets were not totally of my own doing, and how some of my regrets became regrets in hindsight.  So how can I be take ownership of regrets that I did not know were going to be regrets, or regrets that involved the decisions of others?  Maybe one day I'll evolve to that place of personal evolution that includes no regrets.  I'm not there yet.  So how about you? Any regrets? (Please don't say that you regret you read this post because then I'll have to regret writing it!)

The Good News, The Bad News and the Ugly News

I've decided to cut out the news.  I mean change the channel.  You see, I have this notion that the world is a good place.  Children laugh.  The sun shines. The birds sing.  I think the news media has us convinced that the world is a dark, scary place, full of meanness and deceit.  I get it.  There is evil in the world.  The balance of good and evil is necessary.   Like any good citizen, I need to be on neighborhood watch and the world is my neighborhood.  Yet, it appears that most of the news that is reported is bad news.  What is the fascination?  Why does the local news start off with at least 5 bad news reports?  Is the world really such a horrible place and am I in denial? I feel like the news media is choosing what I see and hear.  That it is deciding what is important.  I want to decide for myself.  So, I'm turning off the bad news for a while.  Any thoughts?

YOLO

Early retirement gave me the opportunity to lead a calmer, more reflective life. This blog is an opportunity to share some of the questions I have about life in general with you. Obviously I know nothing about the technical part of building a blog, but should that keep me from trying? YOLO-you only live once. So the journey begins. What about you? Are you having a YOLO experience?