Sleepless in Roxboro

     There have been some sleepless nights recently, mostly due to anxiety about issues in my life.  A quote found me that basically reflected that anxiety was my brain's attempt to live in the future rather than the present.  I like that perspective and will try to use it to curb my tendency to freak out.  Now mind you, I feel that a little bit of anxiety is necessary, it keeps one on her toes.  It's the paralyzing, mind controlling anxiety that I'm not good with controlling. 
    Don't you just love it when you go to bed and a problem gets on your mind and keeps you from drifting off to sleep.  I know I wrestled with a particular problem for over an hour.  It involved sharing a piece of information or keeping it to myself.  I went over every perspective, scenario, method I could think of at that time to figure out what to do.  I couldn't involve my usual talk it over people because one, it was the middle of the night, and two it involved one of those people.  Usually my advice to others, and myself, is to give it three days and most problems will work themselves out, or at least the circumstances will change.  But even this thought process would not let me get to sleep.
   Finally, I just gave it up.  I just said, "Lord, I don't know what to do, I'm going to have to send this one back to you."  Sounds simple,right?  Not for me.  I'm a mediator and a fixer and a problem solver.  Giving up is not an option I choose very often.  But it worked.  I drifted off to sleep.  Yes, I'm still thinking about the problem today but I'm content with not taking action.  I am waiting my three days to see what happens.
   So if you're wrestling with something that's keeping you sleepless, I feel you!  And if you have some insight, please feel free to share. 

Listen and Learn

     Wow!  I knew it had been a long time since I posted but I didn't realize that I hadn't posted since September.  Yep, life after fifty has been super busy!  There's been time spent on family, friends, and home stuff.  There's a part time job that requires a lot of mental energy and reflection.  I had  many thoughts about the election but most of them I chose to keep to myself and not share on a blog.  Politics are simply complicated.  Perspective makes such a difference in what one believes is right or wrong.    
       So life after fifty for the past few months has been a time of listening and learning rather than speaking out.  I've learned how difficult it is for the elderly to find purpose and meaning in life when life has become so different from what it used to be for them.  Using technology and working with the health care system can be so overwhelming for people my parents' ages.
      During the presidential campaign I learned how separated we are as a society by tunnelvision created by our limited realities.  I believe what I believe because of my knowledge and experiences.  But my neighbor may have a totally different view with just cause based on his/her knowledge and experiences.
      I've learned from the wonderful young adults that I work with about resiliency and perserverence during the transition from college to the reality of becoming effective educators admist the disappointments, challenges and and frustrations that come with a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week profession.
      I've listened to many people.  I've heard their joys and sorrows.  I find that lessons are all around me.  I am humbled by the human spirit.  So, as the new year begins, I will return to blogging with a renewed desire to share my thoughts and a new desire to keep perspective in mind before I pass judgement.  Have you been listening and learning too?  Feel free to share!