30 Something

      Yes, we celebrated our thirtieth wedding anniversary.  I was thinking that maybe I would post some advice about marriage, being that I've had so much experience now, but really I think marriage is so unique to each couple, that what works for one relationship is not necessarily good advice for another.  I think marriage is a lot like the ocean which can be calm or stormy depending on outside influences.  Even after all this time, my husband and I can get along very well or not at all.  It used to frighten me when we did not get along, but now, I know that we will get through whatever waves of discontent our circumstances create.  But it doesn't happen instantly and may take a few days.  We have to take time to strengthen what holds us together so we don't fall prey to what attempts to drive us apart.  There is a law of physics that applies here but I don't know its name.  It has do to with how objects will naturally drift apart if not guided in the same direction.  When we got married, we had a lot of baggage that interfered with our relationship.  As time has gone on, that baggage has been replaced with good times, passion, and experience. Older and wiser is a good thing for us, we're more mellow and understanding.  So not much advice today, but a few observations.  Of course, you're always welcome to share your thoughts, or keep them to yourself.  It's all good.

Wrestling Demons #1

     There are some days when I am distracted by my attempt to wrestle demons.  Nothing serious like an addiction or one of life's other dramas, but wrestling with something that keeps me from having inner peace.  While researching a yoga site recently, I came across a list of "12 Symptoms of Inner Peace by Saskia Davis".  One of the symptoms is "a loss of interest in judging other people".  Yes, that judgement thing, keeps going round and round in my mind.  So it's become one of those demons that I'm wrestling.  How do we stop judging when analysis and evaluation are everywhere in our culture!  I used to buy a bar of soap because I liked the packaging and the scent.  Now, I have to look up a review before I make even a simple purchase!! Ok, so judging a bar of soap is a long way from judging another person.  Yet, aren't we constantly analyzing and evaluating people by their actions, or politics, or lifestyle or choices or from what someone else tells us about that person.  The list goes on and on.  How do you stop?  Are evaluation and judgement the same thing?  Can we really step away from the critical view of others?  Is the person lazy or unmotivated, driven or aggressive, evil or desperate?  Maybe it depends on the circumstances.  But how can you not judge someone who hurts others even when it's unintentional?  So maybe I don't judge the person but judge his behavior?  For our own protection and the protection of our loved ones, we must judge others at times.  Maybe a key to solving this mind loop is in the words " a loss of interest".  Yes, possibly that's it.  I can observe the behavior of someone else but if it is not necessary for me to judge then I can play the "not interested" card.  I have a feeling that this topic is not going to be an easy one to resolve.  Anyone got Dr. Phil or the Dalai Lama on speed dial?  So, what do you think?

Purging Purging Purging

    When I retired, I went through the house we had lived in for almost 15 years and reorganized.  It was time to move things out.  It was good therapy, letting go of the clutter and regaining control of the space.  At the same time, we started to let go of some of the life clutter, some of our volunteer and church activities.  You get to the point when you accept that the next "half" of your life is not going to be 50 quality years.  Therefore, it becomes time to focus on quality rather than quantity.  So we let some things go.  Oh yes, it was painful at times but so very necessary.  And then we went even further with the quality concept and moved into another house in another neighborhood.  So more purging had to take place.  And yes, once again, it was painful but necessary.  I've earned my merit badge of yard sale duty and earned a bit of peace of mind in the process. I've made room for new relationships and spent time nurturing some of the old ones. After purging, the chaos goes out and the calm comes in.  Now, after two years in this house, it's time to purge again.  I started today in the master bedroom closet.  There's a Goodwill pile, a consignment pile, and an Ebay pile.  There are still some sentimental things that I just can't let go of  yet.  Just like there are some non-material things that I'm holding on to also. But not as much as before.  So how about you? Have you done any purging lately?  Is it time to let go or hold on?   

25 Amazing Daughters and Recharging Batteries

     I am blessed in many ways.  One is my current "job" as a mentor/coach for beginning teachers in a school system.  Each week during the school year, I have the opportunity to visit with and observe beginning teachers who are in their first, second or third year of teaching. They become my "daughters".  The pay is acceptable, the hours are flexible, and usually, the drama is minimal.  Just the right second career for a former classroom teacher!  After 28 years in the classroom, it was difficult to "abandon ship" but mentoring helps me reconnect with a very familiar setting and lots of wonderful people who believe as I do, that there is no higher calling than that of a teacher.  These young women are amazing.  They face challenges and obstacles with persistence, resilience, and compassion.  Their energy and enthusiasm is contagious.  My role is to listen, to advise, and to encourage.  As I close out this school year, I am already excited about the next one.  What a great way to recycle and repurpose a retired teacher!  So how about you, what or who recharges your batteries? Do you have a second career that links to your first one?  This is one way I've enriched my life after 55!

Regrets Only or Not

     I don't know why I've had this on my mind, maybe it's because of the approaching birthday  #55, anniversary #30 or just the full moon, but I've been thinking about the question, "Do you have any regrets?".  A response you often hear is, "No, if I had to do it all again, I would do the same, in order to be where I am now, counting my many blessings."  I suppose to a point, I would agree, because I'm usually the one spouting off about how mistakes can lead you in the right direction, and if you learn a lesson, one should not regret a mistake. But honestly, I do have some regrets, regrets of commission, and regrets of omission.  There are things I wish I hadn't done, and things I wish I had done.  I regret that I dated ......, I regret that my brother had to sell his Camaro, I regret that I didn't get my driver's license until I was 21, I regret that I didn't know my Aunt Vivian very well because I think I must be somewhat like her.  Which brings us to the topics of remorse, and guilt and shame.  I'm just not going there today.  And while thinking about my regrets, I also thought about how some of my regrets were not totally of my own doing, and how some of my regrets became regrets in hindsight.  So how can I be take ownership of regrets that I did not know were going to be regrets, or regrets that involved the decisions of others?  Maybe one day I'll evolve to that place of personal evolution that includes no regrets.  I'm not there yet.  So how about you? Any regrets? (Please don't say that you regret you read this post because then I'll have to regret writing it!)