Forgive and Forget Not

     So this is something that troubles me.  Greatly.  I understand that forgiveness is good for the body, mind and soul.  And I can wrap my head around forgiving someone, because we're all human and make mistakes.  Sometimes people are hurt unintentionally.  I get it.  I seem to be able to forgive a mistake better than I can forgive a choice that was made with full knowledge and intention to harm another person's body, mind or soul.  I've thought about it and thought about it and thought about it.  I've forgiven and forgiven and forgiven but honestly, it gets tiresome when there is no change.  Oh, I'm at peace with the definitions of forgiveness, and the reasons to do it, I'm just not at peace with how reasonable expectations are about forgiveness.  So, if it's a person's nature to be abusive, or thoughtless, or self-centered, or judgmental, or any number of negative traits, how do you hold them accountable? If he or she is being who he or she is, does he or she need to be forgiven or rather do you need to forgive?  And yes, I really want to be forgiven when I screw up, even if I don't know I screwed up.  I know I hold grudges.  I will take a lot but if I'm pushed too far, beware!  And what about the difference in forgiving someone you care for versus someone you dislike? It can make a difference.  There are people that I haven't forgiven for things that happened many years ago and some people I haven't forgiven for what happened yesterday.   Oh, and let me tell you this, if someone hurts me and he/she knows it and never says "I'm sorry."  Oh, that forgiveness is packed up in a box and shelved like a time capsule.  Don't even get me started on the forgive and forget debate.  Ugh.  Now, if you're wondering who spit in my Wheaties to make me take this train of thought, no worries.  It's one of those life questions that I wrestle with from time to time, like today.  So I'm open to your thoughts and comments.  I'm probably looking for an easy answer to a most difficult question, so I'll understand if you say, "Carol, just let it go."  And I'll let it go..... for now......